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How to understand what my marriage has done to my wife?

  • For once in my life I really want to understand what happened to my wife as a result of a bad marriage.

    Last night I gave her some Gin & Juice and she turned into Mrs. Hyde. Scared the hell out of me. I took three steps back and said "oh hell no, I know this is not my wife."

    No need to go into details, but I'll say this much, when she made a sandwich she had a Mayo Mustache and her speech was slurred.

    She gave me this look that I swear if she had a knife in her hand she might cut me for having an affair years ago.

    My question is very simple...is it possible that a woman who stays in a bad marriage to actually be converted to the point that she becomes totally insecure and depended upon the husband for life?


  • Dont give her Gin again as it is famous for bringing out the worst in people.

    She is harboring some deep deep negative feelings (and for good reason). The Gin helped her get over her fear of confronting you about it. That should let you know just how messed up over this she is. She needs help to get over them and you need help in dealing with her rage.

    Next time your wife talks to you, you need to listen. Not talk. listen. Dont offer her solutions, offer her sympathy. If you say anything say things like "that must have made you feel terrible" or "it must have been horrible to feel that way". DONT say anything like "get over it" or "what can i do to make you feel better" or "i said i was sorry!" She will open up more and more and maybe you will have a chance of fixing this.


  • Blimey! How much gin did you give her? I would think that a woman who is in a bad marriage would turn resentful. Resentful at her husband for his affair, resentful at herself to being dependent on him. If she is insecure, it is probably due to your affair.She might have bottled up all her anger and pain and decided to let it out. What did you do to make amends and regain her trust? Sounds like naff all.


  • As was mentioned she hasn't forgiven you totally. Unfortunately even a drink can bring back the hurt she felt at the moment she found out. That isn't an easy thing to forget. It is perfectly normal to want to hurt the other party or make them hurt as badly as you were hurt. Unfortunately until she comes to terms with this on her own, you will relive the anger over and over and over until she feels you've been hurt as much as she hurt and is still hurting. She isn't insecure she is defensive. It is up to YOU to win her trust and respect back, and that isn't going to be an easy thing to do.

    Marriage counseling will help resolve the issues and it could just boil down to she needs YOU to Listen and understand she is still hurting. You need to find out what will help her get over it. For some, there is no forgiving nor forgetting, for others there is forgiveness but never forgetting.

    Let's face it, if a friend that came to stay with you often stole items from you and you found out later they were the ones you trusted and they lied and stole from you, how leary would you be for them staying again?

    Counseling for her to learn to trust and forgive. Counseling for you to learn to be a better lifepartner and person


  • Only if she is with an emotionally abusive, a*rsehole, control freak.


  • Yep! to answer your question, if you cheated her confidence will be rock bottom and even if it was years ago, if she hasnt had a chance to build it up again of course she will feel she is worthless.

    You made her fell like that. If you want to be with her treat her amazingly make her feel like a princess. At the minute she probably feels that if you left no one would ever want her.

    You need to sit down and talk with her. I think that having an affair will have seriously killed her inside. You need to explain that you think she is the most gorgeous person in the world and you love her no one else. If you dont want to be with her and dont love her, leave her it will hurt her but by the sounds of it she would be better without you.


  • lol...lol.. now Baby you should know you shouldn't be eating late at night . Try a big water instead now come on back here so I can make you forget all your hunger ! We gotta go to the gymn now and stay real healthy and its cranberry and vodca... you know I hate gin! It is possible for a woman to fall again ...for life! Don't need no man ya know ... no husband is fine just a lolly good time!!!


  • Yes. She loses so much faith in herself that she ends up clinging to the very thing that damages her because she does not believe she is worth more. Strange, but true, of some women.


  • well looks like u screwed it up with the affair...she apparently hasnt forgiven you for it...and she prolly worries alot about you doing it again...and i dunno what to tell you....she could become very unhappy and maybe a lil crazy at times...i however do not believe shes depending on u for life....

    sit her down and talk to her...let her know how u really feel and keep calm in the convo..even if she doesnt...







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